Can the dead see their funeral? That might sound like a strange question, but it’s one that people think about and worry over, whether they realize that's what they're doing. To put it another way: who are funerals really for?
Often, family members will fret over the details of a loved one’s funeral out of a desire to honor their wishes, as if the funeral were a symbol of how much they love and cared for the person who has passed. Mom said she didn't want us to make a fuss, so should we skip the big service? Sometimes, friends and acquaintances in a community will wonder whether they should attend a funeral. I'll miss them, but I haven't seen them in a long time; should I still go?
When people worry about these things, they're really just experiencing uncertainty about the purpose of a funeral service. But the truth today is the same as it has always been: funerals exist to honor the dead, and give peace and solace to the living.
Funeral Rituals Are Part of Being Human
Since the earliest days of humankind, we’ve cared for our dead in meaningful, ritualistic ways. Long before modern funeral practices, people would bury their loved ones with items they might need in the next life—simple tools, personal keepsakes, or tokens of love. Even in prehistoric times, we understood the importance of funerals.
Many modern funeral home practices began during the Civil War, when embalming allowed soldiers to be returned home for a final goodbye. In more recent times, funerals have gone from being more community and religious events to smaller and personalized ones, but the importance of a memorial service to commemorate the life of the deceased has never wavered.
We Still Need to Gather
Today, traditional funerals have become less common than they once were, and our mourning traditions are changing. People may post obituaries on social media rather than the newspaper, and they might choose a celebration of life instead of a church service. They might opt for a cremation instead of a burial, or they might choose a "green" burial that eschews a casket and grave liner in favor of a shroud and eco-friendly grave plot.
But even as these practices change, the need to honor and mourn the dead never will. The rituals and structure of a funeral can offer comfort in a time of sorrow, creating a moment to pause and hold space for a life that mattered.
The Power of Mourning Together
Grief can be a heavy burden, but it’s one that can be lightened when shared. There’s a reason people gather to mourn—it offers comfort, support, and validation. When we come together, we create a safe place to express sorrow and to remember.
Experts say there are three key steps to working through grief: accepting the reality of the loss, sharing memories to honor the life, and gathering with others who knew and loved the person. At its core, a funeral is about those three things.
For many, being able to view the body and say goodbye helps make the loss feel real. Telling stories and sharing memories helps us create a narrative around a loved one’s life, offering a sense of continuity. And coming together to share these thoughts and feelings prevents the isolation that can make grief feel overwhelming.
Whether it’s simple or elaborate, held at a church, funeral home, or graveside, what truly matters is the coming together of those who grieve.
For more than 150 years, Chapman Funerals & Cremations has helped Massachusetts families say goodbye and begin the process of healing. If you’ve recently lost a loved one, we’re here to help you create a farewell that is both personal and deeply meaningful. Whether traditional or modern, our funeral directors will work with you make funeral arrangements that honor your loved one and support the people they leave behind.
Reach out to any of our Cape Cod area locations and let us help you find comfort in your time of loss.
Laying a loved one to rest is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to endure, but we’re here to make it as simple as possible.