At one time, death was a community affair. Families and neighbors shared the burdens of laying their loved ones to rest, and death was an everyday part of life for many. These days, things are a little different. Families are smaller, communities are larger, and some of us may go well into adulthood before encountering our first funeral.
Whether you’re planning a loved one’s memorial or attending as a guest, it’s natural to have questions or feel uncertain about what to expect. Below, we’ve collected some of our most commonly asked questions. You can also reach out to a funeral director at any of our Cape Cod funeral home locations for more information or to arrange services.
General Funeral Questions
What does a funeral director do?
Funeral directors are licensed professionals who specialize in helping families lay a loved one to rest. They plan visitations and ceremonies, prepare the deceased, provide support to the family, and make sure all the family’s wishes are fulfilled. They also assist families with any legal or insurance-related paperwork and take care of the removal and transportation of the deceased. Funeral directors have experience helping grieving families and providing them with additional resources and recommendations for their journey through grief.
What should I do if my loved one dies when I am out of town?
We recommend that you contact the local medical authorities, which may include the police depending on the death. Afterwards, give us a call right away so we can start planning your loved one's funeral services. We know it’s important for you to get back home, so we make this process as seamless as possible. Calling us right away will help you avoid any duplication of fees or services.
What is meant by a “traditional” funeral?
A traditional funeral is one where the deceased’s body is present in a casket during the service. This provides an opportunity for mourners to pay their respects and say goodbye. The funeral is often held in a church or funeral chapel and may include religious rites and ceremonies depending on the family’s faith. There may also be eulogies, where mourners share specific memories and messages about the deceased. Afterward, the funeral attendees usually follow a hearse to the cemetery to witness the burial, although a traditional funeral can also be followed by a cremation.
Can my loved one’s service be personalized?
A funeral service should be as unique as the life it honors. When we meet, let us know about your loved one’s interests, hobbies, accolades, or anything else that will help us get a better idea of who they were. We want to create a service that is both healing and memorable for your family and the friends of your loved one.
What’s the purpose of a viewing?
A viewing, also known as a wake, visitation, or calling hours, is seen as a central part of saying goodbye to a loved one. It can be open or closed casket. It may occur on the day of the funeral or as a separate event. It gives families one last chance to see their loved one’s body and fully understand they are gone from this life. This helps them accept the loss and move forward in their grieving journey.
Does life insurance cover funeral costs?
Life insurance policies are primarily meant to replace a person’s income so their families can be supported through the transition after death. So-called burial policies can help with reimbursing final expenses, but the funds are often not available immediately. Whenever possible, we recommend planning for final expenses in advance with the funeral home, allowing you to lock in pricing and ensuring your funeral is paid for without any undue hardship on your family.
Cremation Questions
If we choose cremation, can we still have a viewing and a funeral service?
Absolutely! We believe a viewing is beneficial for families because it is a way they can honor and remember their loved one. You may choose a traditional funeral service with a viewing, followed by cremation. Or you could have a private viewing with close friends and family, the cremation, and a larger memorial service with the community later. The way you celebrate your loved one is completely up to you, and we are here to help you every step of the way.
Is cremation cheaper than burial?
Many families choose cremation because it can be simpler and less expensive than a traditional funeral and burial. However, there are other affordable options, including direct burial and earth-friendly “green” burials. If money is a concern, let your funeral director know your budget and wishes and we’ll help you to choose the best method for your loved one’s final disposition.
How long does a cremation take?
On average, the cremation process itself takes between three and five hours. We schedule our cremations to provide ample time and care to each cremation we perform. Due to the paperwork required and scheduling needs, it may take up to two weeks or more for your loved one to be cremated and their remains returned to you.
How do I know I am receiving my loved one’s ashes?
Our entire cremation process is heavily regulated, and we hold ourselves to the highest standard of care. All paperwork and fees are completed with local authorities and then we look over the checklist at the crematory. A metal disk with an individual ID number remains with your loved one throughout the process to ensure correct identification, and only one body is ever present in the cremation chamber at a time. Since we are so detail-oriented, you can rest assured you are receiving only your loved one’s ashes.
What can I do with my loved one’s ashes?
Your loved one’s cremated remains will be returned to you in an urn or container of your choosing. From there, you have several options: burying them, scattering them, placing them in a columbarium niche, even having them turned to stone. There are many creative ways to honor a loved one’s memory, and we can help you explore your options for a final farewell.
Funeral Etiquette Questions
Should I bring my children to the funeral service?
Death is a natural part of life, and we believe that introducing children to healthy grief at a young age will help them in adulthood. However, it’s up to you to decide whether they’re ready and if you’re up for the task. Prior to the funeral, be sure to explain to your child what they will see and experience, so they are not surprised. Here are a few tips.
What should I wear to a funeral?
Funeral attire traditionally reflects the somber tone of the event and shows respect to the deceased and their family. Dark-colored, somewhat formal, and conservative styles are often best. However, sometimes families have specific wishes for guest attire, and the rules aren’t always cut and dry. We’ve assembled more guidance here for funeral-goers.
What to say at a funeral?
The most important thing to tell someone who is grieving is, “I’m here for you.” Try to avoid platitudes that diminish the weight of their loss or spend time speculating on the manner of death, financial worries, or other traumatic condolences. Instead, express your sincere condolence and share a fond memory of the deceased. A simple, “I’m sorry for your loss” can go a long way. If the other person is willing to share more deeply, you can let them take the lead and offer whatever support is in your power.